I don’t know why I keep
reading your text messages.
Screen shooting the significant ones,
sweet ones, mean ones.
They only send me into a tailspin.
I smile and blush at some,
frown and cringe at others.
All the while searching for
some sort of validation that
the moments were real,
that the feelings I developed
were warranted and not birthed from
some figment of my imagination.
That the feelings are
reciprocated although guarded.
Finding answers between the lines
I don’t desire to recognize
yet gaining the strength
to put myself first
and not in the line of fire.
Text messages that subliminally
encourage me to take myself out
of your general equations.
Equations that still lures me
back into reading the sweet ones.
When all I want to do is just
get off this ride and either
enjoy the rest of this theme park
with you by my side
or leave, well enough alone.