I’m currently sitting in my car in the garage enjoying the static of the radio and the silence of all the other elements. It’s moments like these I savor most. Ever pause and try to merely exist? Ever try to be so in sync with oneself that you can actually feel the touch of your fingertips on your body the same way you feel the surface of material things? Try it. Feel. Breathe. Live.
Tag: thoughts
Belong
I don’t feel like I belong. My relationship with my mother is non existent. After years of daydreaming about what our reunion would be like I was crushed when she told me our encounter was fake. My relationship with my stepmom is strained and only goes as deep as my efforts and my heart has grown weary of the many failed attempts to re-establish a connection. My best friend shared her family with me very openly initially but after a very tough but necessary conversation about boundaries I find myself straddling those lines and relationships cautiously for fear of offending once more. My siblings are off in different places building lives and families with their significant others, as they should. Within my small circle of girlfriends I feel like the odd woman out. Partly because I’m in another city and often hear significant stories seemingly only as a courtesy when I’m physically present. My love doesn’t facilitate relationships between myself and his family and my own efforts to build a deeper bond are often stifled.
I long for that mother-daughter relationship. I long for a family bond without secrets or boundaries. I long for transparent friendships. I long to truly belong to someone, anyone.
Quotes For The Soul: Poetry
I love poetry. I love words. There is so much power in them. Words can be as beautiful as the stroke of a paintbrush. I’m falling in love all over again with art in all forms. As of late, poets have been my muse. I find myself truly enamored by the way others, like myself, play with words and design and align them into such beauty. I’m also listening to music with the ears of a poet. Listening to the lines in the same way I’d trace my fingers across a painting in an effort to truly feel the work of art. It’s all just so beautiful!
“She never looked nice. She looked like art and wasn’t supposed to look nice. It was supposed to make you feel something.” – Rainbow Rowell
Moonlight Conversations: New layer
There is just something about the moon that just puts me in a trance. Its quite therapeutic. Like tonight, usually I catch the moon when I’m driving home. However, I’m driving west in the opposite direction and it seems as if the moon is directly in front of me. I know in essence it “moves” or rather the earth rotates and all that good stuff but there is something more comforting in believing that the moon simply follows and guides me. Especially in the wee hours of the night.
He’s just a half moon tonight yet still as gorgeous as the fullness I adore. Today has been a very great day full of blessings and new beginnings. I feel very much like the half moon tonight who hasn’t quite reached its full potential but I know that when it does it will shine so bright. I’ve peeled back another layer of myself and I can’t wait to eventually shine as bright as my full Mr. Moon. In the meantime, I’ll continue to admire and appreciate my half moon both literally and figuratively.