Heart

I don’t want to make you flutter
in false hope anymore.
I don’t want to make you ache
after yet another failed attempt at love
But trust and be still my heart,
I long just as badly as you do
to find another to love like we do.

Quotes For The Soul: Potential

Potential- Capable of being but not yet in existence; latent.

I have trouble walking this very fine line that divides potential and reality. More often than not women tend to skew reality into their own fantasy simply based on unexplored infatuation. We get wrapped up in the passion, chemistry and what COULD be and in turn become completely oblivious to the possible incompatability with our current love interest. I am becoming more aware of my tendency to get lost in the potential and at times mistake it or paint it into reality. In turn, I just end wasting my time because I didn’t take it for what it was, mere potential. Capable of being but not yet in existence; latent.

We Owe It To Ourselves To Stop Falling In Love With Potential” –Monica Torres

Moonlight Conversations: Obsessed

I think I’m officially obsessed with the moon. I’ve been anxiously waiting to witness his fullness since our last rendezvous. Constantly gazing up at the sky nightly.  Perhaps it’s because my mind is completely free! No worries about anything or anyone. So as of late, I can’t help but notice and admire just the little things like the moon and stars.  I can recall the places I’ve been each time I paused to look for him. He was merely a crescent when I was on a late night trek to my love just a few weeks ago and tonight as I drove home I was so excited to see him, all of him, once more. Hi, Mr. Moon!

“Was there always this much night? And didn’t the moon use to flirt with me from time to time? How do I cross this divide and will I ever know where you’re hiding? I am reaching with my fingers stretched.”  –Tyler Knott Gregson

Feel

I’m currently sitting in my car in the garage enjoying the static of the radio and the silence of all the other elements. It’s moments like these I savor most. Ever pause and try to merely exist? Ever try to be so in sync with oneself that you can actually feel the touch of your fingertips on your body the same way you feel the surface of material things? Try it. Feel. Breathe. Live.

Belong

I don’t feel like I belong. My relationship with my mother is non existent. After years of daydreaming about what our reunion would be like I was crushed when she told me our encounter was fake. My relationship with my stepmom is strained and only goes as deep as my efforts and my heart has grown weary of the many failed attempts to re-establish a connection. My best friend shared her family with me very openly initially but after a very tough but necessary conversation about boundaries I find myself straddling those lines and relationships cautiously for fear of offending once more. My siblings are off in different places building lives and families with their significant others, as they should. Within my small circle of girlfriends I feel like the odd woman out. Partly because I’m in another city and often hear significant stories seemingly only as a courtesy when I’m physically present. My love doesn’t facilitate relationships between myself and his family and my own efforts to build a deeper bond are often stifled.

I long for that mother-daughter relationship. I long for a family bond without secrets or boundaries. I long for transparent friendships. I long to truly belong to someone, anyone.