Today I wanted to be left alone. I wanted to turn off my phone and just disconnect. I kept feeling waves of sadness I wanted to embrace. I wanted to provide myself the space to feel, to cry, to pray. So I put on some gospel music to let my spirit talk to God for me. I cried but didn’t feel better after. I felt like there was just so much more to pour out. I just couldn’t find the stillness to do so though my chest was on the brink of heaving. I decided to do some housekeeping then turned my phone back on. Thirty-four texts greeted me from friends and family about nothing in particular. I replied to everyone robotically. Even sending laughing emojis when a smile never formed. I don’t wish to talk to anyone, I simply don’t have the words. I just want to finally feel this bellowing cry that’s brimming so I can process and push forward. Sadness is a normal part of life. It’s healthy to cry, to feel. It’s when we force these feelings away that they become harmful to our existence and those around us.
“Some days are just bad days, that’s all. You have to experience sadness to know happiness, and I remind myself that not every day is going to be a good day, that’s just the way it is!.” – Dita Von Teese