Belong

I don’t feel like I belong. My relationship with my mother is non existent. After years of daydreaming about what our reunion would be like I was crushed when she told me our encounter was fake. My relationship with my stepmom is strained and only goes as deep as my efforts and my heart has grown weary of the many failed attempts to re-establish a connection. My best friend shared her family with me very openly initially but after a very tough but necessary conversation about boundaries I find myself straddling those lines and relationships cautiously for fear of offending once more. My siblings are off in different places building lives and families with their significant others, as they should. Within my small circle of girlfriends I feel like the odd woman out. Partly because I’m in another city and often hear significant stories seemingly only as a courtesy when I’m physically present. My love doesn’t facilitate relationships between myself and his family and my own efforts to build a deeper bond are often stifled.

I long for that mother-daughter relationship. I long for a family bond without secrets or boundaries. I long for transparent friendships. I long to truly belong to someone, anyone.

Enough

I pray I’m enough

When nice booties and perky tits
dance across your social media timeline
In an effort to entice you with a fun time

I’m pray my adoration is enough
When your hairline recedes back in time
And your gut tries to cut the line

I pray my listening ear is enough
When the world tries to beat you down
And your friends are nowhere to be found.

I pray I’m enough.

Maybe

Maybe I want you to suffer a little bit.
Maybe I want you to feel one ounce
of the pain you may have caused me.
Maybe I want you to go out of
your comfort zone to make me feel
comfortable in this relationship again
Because YOU created this distrust.
Maybe I want you to swallow your pride,
let go of your balls and kiss my feet
in an effort to show that you care beyond
the shadow of MY doubts.

Exist

I want a love like no other
A love that makes my
entire being burn with
extreme pleasure and gorgeous joy

I want a love so deep
I can drown in it
A love that makes me…
Quiver in the peek of heat

A love that makes my
heart sing sweet sweet
melodies constantly

I want a love that loves me
strongly, sweetly, constantly
always and forever
Does it exist?

Falling

You drew me in instantaneously
and captured my attention with words,
intellectual words, intriguing words, sweet words.

It wasn’t long before I found myself falling for…

You telling me how beautiful I was
How amazing you found my body to be
How much you thought of me daily.

I began falling for…
Your good morning texts, our afternoon chats,
your sweet goodnight phone calls.

I began falling for…
Your plans for a future with me
Your plans to “make me your lady”
Your plans for an intense love until we die,
“physically, mentally and spiritually”.

You asked that I be vulnerable
and ready to fall in love, no guards
So I began  falling for…

Your words.
Words that held no meaning.
Words that preceded no actions.
Words that still gave me butterflies
Words that had me falling for a fable.