I once had someone tell me
that he couldn’t be with me
because of my past traumas.
Not because I hadn’t processed them
but because I had and chosen to forgive.
He couldn’t bring himself to do the same.
Before then, I had never thought about
the people who’d love me later in life.
That they too would have to process and
forgive the same people who hurt me
before they even knew or loved me.
“We don’t have to do all of it alone. We were never meant to.” -Brené Brown
You’re the most complicated equation
And even though math is my weakness
I’ll still spend this lifetime and the next
Searching for the right formula to solve you
Whether or not I love you
isn’t the problem.
I love you more than
you love yourself
and that’s the issue.
We can’t just dress this cake with
love and expect it to taste good if
the ingredients don’t include respect,
trust, loyalty, honesty, faith, kindness,
affection, communication, understanding…
Love isn’t enough to make us edible.
I want delectable. I want fulfilling.
I want a flavor I can devour.
I want much more than the icing on our cake.
No matter how many times
you tell the same lie,
it will still never be truth.
Even if I’m dumb enough to believe it.
Even if you begin to believe it.